life and all its intricacies

Listening to Switchfoot:

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

Between who you are and who you could be

Between how it is and how it should be

Questions of life and if you’ve achieved yourself.  I know life is always changing, the tide comes in and goes out.  Some days I’m happy with the person that looks back at me in the mirror.  I know who I am, what my heart looks like and I’m satisfied.  Other days I want to turn away in shame, knowing I’m not who I should be.  I could be so much better; I have so much room to grow.  I want to hang onto all that God has offered to me; I want to live the life He has in store for me.  I want to be who I was meant to be; I want to be who I want to be.

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unreal

On April 25th, 2007 I stepped off a plane and back onto American soil.  It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.  I still miss it and the people I left there.  But I’m ready for the next step in my life, ready to get away from here and go somewhere new where I’m completely out of my element.  I’m excited and scared and I will always cherish the memories of my time in the Land of the Rising Sun.

<3

Briana, one of my 3rd graders, was having this conversation with me yesterday:

Briana: You are going to have a lot of 4th graders in the Zebras next year.

Me: *wince*. . . I’m actually not going to be here next year.  I’ll be off in Northern California.

Briana: *downfallen expression* Oh.

Me: But I’ll be back for holidays and I’ll definitely come visit.

Briana: *brightens* You better!

Me: Or what?  You’ll come hunt me down?

Briana: Yeah! *gives me a fierce look*

She loves me! : D

that’s jokes

Thank you, Madison for brightening my day.  Amazing what a third grader can accomplish. 

Madison: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Madison: A myth.

Me: A myth who?

Madison: A mosquito bit me.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Madison: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Madison: Andy.

Me: Andy who?

Madison: And he bit me again.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Madison: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Madison: No one.

Me: No one who?

Madison: …

* * * * * * * * * * *

And my personal favorite "Knock, Knock" joke.  Ever. 

Me: I’m going to tell you a "Knock, Knock" joke.  You start.

Madison: Knock, knock.

Me: Who’s there?

Madison: …

this day

It was…interesting.  Started off not so great but ended up on a pretty good note.  It’s amazing how the little things can make a bad day so much better.  My co-worker and I have been getting along famously (in the past there was a lot of tension between us) and I don’t think we’ll be going back to the days of discord.  One of the 2nd graders stood next to me, wrapped his little arms around my waist and wouldn’t let go for about 3 minutes…that warmed my heart.  And just laughing with the kids as they goofed around and hopefully making them feel better about themselves, it made me feel better too.  I love my job.

the way it is

Life is a roller-coaster.  Ups and downs, highs and lows.  Two steps forward, one step back.  This last week has been a challenge.  It started off pretty well but dipped down a bit towards the middle and is kind of picking back up.  Tomorrow I see Jason again (the 5th day we’ll be together this month, yay!) so that’ll definitely bring it back up.  The two weeks before this one were great.  I’m trying not to be discouraged by this week and have tried to focus my attention on the two weeks of success.  That has definitely helped.  Thank the Lord for endless chances and new beginnings everyday.  I certainly use up my fair share.

thoughts of a 2nd grader

Two of them actually.  The best part?  This was started when one of the other kids mentioned something about a "slide" and Ryan thought he had said "fly".  I thought about correcting him but decided to let it play out.  I’m so glad I did.  I love kids.

Ryan: A fly only lives one day.  Did you know that?  Flies only live one day.   So by the time it’s noon, they’re already in college.

Mitchell: Yeah.  And when it’s 3 o’clock, they are old men.

[both laugh hysterically while I giggle behind my hand]

the only time I like math

When you understand them and know when to use them, mathematical formulas are amazing.  Just plug in the numbers and voilà!  There’s the answer. 

There’s a kid at work who’s been having a really hard time listening to anyone.  He has no respect for authority and constantly mouths off to me and my co-workers.  His parents don’t know what to do about his behavior.  Neither do his psychologist or principal.  He’s so good when he’s being good.  I love this little boy but don’t appreciate being constantly disrespected.  I wish there were a formula for fixing the problem. 

unexpected blessings

It’s amazing how God works when you least expect it, in situations that are unexpected and might seem insignificant at first glance.  I know it’s so obvious, but if I allow Him to He can do amazing things in my short life.

A few weeks ago I made a discovery that seemingly shattered my peace of mind and caused me to examine my own perceptions and attitudes.  It’s true that life is in constant motion and we are changing along with it, whether we’re aware of it or not.  But sometimes big things happen that make those changes really obvious.  And so I’ve been actively trying to make positive changes in my life.  As with most changes it’s not been easy but the challenge of it has made it that much more important that I don’t give up.  It’s amazing that it’s taken something so drastic to open my eyes but I’m so thankful for the wakeup call, regardless of the circumstances surrounding it.

Yesterday marked the beginning of another change, one I hope will be permanent.  A relationship I thought was damage beyond all repair seems to be doing just that.  God is truly amazing!  I am so thankful for the lessons He’s been teaching me these past few weeks and the changes that have happened thanks to Him.  He is so patient, waiting so long for me to listen to His voice and follow His gentle guidance.  I get shivers thinking about what He has in store for me.  Life is such an exciting journey!

laughing at myself

I’m a pessimist.  But over the last few days I’ve focused a lot of attention on trying to change that. Part of that effort is not getting annoyed/angry at stupid situations, especially ones that I have virtually no control over.  In an attempt to get over myself, I’ve decided that I will laugh at myself as much as possible.  And laugh at a situation that I would have previously gotten angry over.  It’s been wonderfully refreshing.